Thoughtful Betrayal
Sometimes a needed action becomes very evident in front of you. That the words of others while nice and semi-warm and not hurtful, are actually, just safe. Safe words can be misleading words, they try to be nice and thoughtful of your feelings by avoiding hurting you. When in reality, they’re not protecting you from anything, except the truth, or at least some subset of the whole truth that we actually are able to figure out at any one time, particularly when it comes to the interactions of people’s relationships with each other, which get more and more complex with each complicating relationship between people we stack up. Its like adding features to an application, the more points to deal with, the greater the prospect of bugs.
In this particular case, it should’ve been obvious that the words and deeds weren’t matching up a couple of weeks ago, but it didn’t quite occur to me at the time. Words are pretty meaningless, actions count more, and when people say one thing, like they want you around for an event, or at least, did, before its scheduling and agenda changed, but then make no effort to keep you in the loop over these changes, and you start to get the underlying impression, its because you’re not honestly wanted, except that you’re important to somebody and that they, and you might get hurt if you’re left out of it. Particularly, your hurt would hurt the other person, and in turn, that other person’s hurt would bother/hurt person #3. So, at the end of the preventative hurt tunnel, here I am, not getting the whole truth, and being protected from the *possibility* of hurt, while actually being set up to be worse off, because I’ve been lied to.
Ultimately, its strangely not as hurtful as you’d expect, figuring out after 2 weeks that you’re not involved or honestly/legitimately wanted (except for the hurt protection benefits) in an upcoming event. Its shocking, that people who want to protect you from hurt end up hurting you more this way, but maybe, it’ll be 10+ days better spent, like a nice mental vacation from the people involved.
